my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize