I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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