just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize