I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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