He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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