If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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