Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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