She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize