Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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