part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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