So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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