So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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