i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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