sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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