I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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