dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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