real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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