Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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