I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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