Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I smell like Dick and happiness
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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