i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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