He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize