Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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