I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
zippers are such a cool invention
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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