Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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