the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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