On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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