Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize