this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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