she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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