I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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