I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize