apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize