The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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