Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Two words: nipple clamps
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