I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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