Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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