The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize