WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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