i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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