Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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