where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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