I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize