when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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