before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize