I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize