you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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