The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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