I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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