i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize