I cut my penus on the lid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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